good thing my tax return is big this year because i already spent that shit!
multiply that by the last six years of my life
minus bailouts from family, mysterious proctors, dhs
plus bailing out friends
and money disappearing
carry through every echelon all the bad decisions that seemed good at the time
not a regret scorecard but a vigilant audit

twenty two years of living in michigan
five years in oscoda
ten in alpena
one in ann arbor
almost six in ypsi
recently feeling anxious and nervous the moment i wake
figuring how much i can extend it
realizing my resources have been soft for some time
in a way that's no longer easy but satisfying a sadness
to me i wonder
kneeling down to look past a tall grass
trying to see what comes next