Thursday, February 11, 2010

a dog jumping through an electric fence

Right now I'm between sickness and wellness, blended between both, hangin sort of easy. I feel pretty high; I'm often light-headed and happy right before the symptoms arrive full force.
I wonder what it would be like to bypass the process of declining and rising out of sickness- and instead just feel the entire bruised experience in an instant. Like what a dog jumping through an electric fence must feel.. a sudden and sobering pain, followed by a sense of freedom, control, mastery, euphoria.. exaltation. The dog must feel it all. A girl in my psych of women's class a few semesters back would brag about taking a perscription drug in order to stall her period to once-annual-only.. I imagined her in the bathroom, with a years worth of period blood to get through, reassuring herself through tears that she was in control. Let it be not this kind of trade-off!

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